Today is Great and Holy Friday, and I feel so blessed, so loved. It is a sorrowful day, but––today I am given the greatest gift ever given. I cannot help but feel overwhelmed with gratitude and joy.
I keep a small book in my bag at all times. It is about one-and-a-half inches by one-and-a-half inches, a half-inch thick, and it is covered in a beautiful Guatamalan fabric with soft handmade paper inside. I got it in Wisconsin, I believe as a gift from my godmother, and since November of 2006 I have been keeping a list inside. I forget often, and then I pick it up again and am reminded of how blessed I am. The book is a list of things I am thankful for.
The things I list most often are variations on
friendship
paper, writing, books
beauty in nature
not getting exactly what I want (and the opposite, of course)
love, smiles
challenges, good and bad
forgiveness
The things that stand out to me now are
unreasonable happiness
orchids
sunshine
loss, letting go, moving on
hope
prayer
looking forward
forgiveness
I am so thankful for forgiveness. It relieves guilt, it soothes hurt feelings, it makes it easier to survive in this crazy world. Forgiveness is love to your enemies. It is asking God to forgive those who have wronged you, including your own self. It is hard, and it is as necessary as air. When I forget to forgive myself or others, my muscles tense up. I hurt inside and out. I am unhappy, blameful, and bitter. I end up in physical pain after a few weeks of this severity. My neck and back begin to bother me, and my heart aches. Then I go to Confession, and I forgive myself. I remember how much I love the people around me. I feel alive again.
There is a Forgiveness Sunday in the Church, and there is a prayer of forgiveness my mother and I try to say every night we are together.
“O holy brothers and sisters in Christ, please forgive me if I have offended you in thought, word, or deed and pray for me a sinner.”
The response is, “I forgive you, may God forgive you.”
And then the whole world feels as light as air.
Please say a prayer for me, and have a blessed Paschal weekend. And please forgive me if I have offended you in thought, word, or deed, and pray for me a sinner.
-Brigid
P.S. If you’re curious about what I’ve been spending my time doing, I write more regularly for blog.shimer.edu (as I get paid there).
